PJ Jones
Squee Your Pants Funny
Hackers and spammers, eat my shorts!!!
0Yes, in the words of the infamous Bart Simpson, EAT MY SHORTS hackers and spammers. My site was overrun for a few weeks thanks to those asshats. I’ve had to take some drastic measures, including creating a new blog. Soooo, readers and fans, I’m so sorry to be sending you out the door just as you’ve arrived, but for now on, please visit my new, safer, less spammy, blog HERE.
I LOVE Texas!
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Y’all know those jerks from Texas who are always bragging their state is the best? I’m one of those jerks. I love my state. I love the culture and the diverse beauty of the terrain. What bugs me about the cliche image of Texas landscape is that it’s always a tumbleweed or a lonely cactus surrounded by loads of dirt. Yeah, we got that. But Texas also has plains, an ocean, piney woods and the best of all–The Hill Country, which is where I live.
Guadalupe River at the mouth of Canyon Lake.
In my novel, Driving Me Nuts!, Fred, Ruckus and Apple live in a hill country mental institution. Though I changed the names of the towns in my book, just think of Castroville, Bandera or Fredericksburg and you get the picture.
When my characters escape one Friday night, they end up fleeing for their lives against the beautiful backdrop of grassy hills and majestic Live Oak trees. It’s kind of hard for me to say what I love best about The Hill Country, which is dotted by several small towns, ranches and farmland. Yeah, we got snakes and scorpions, but those you learn to either avoid, run off, or kill.
Just about every small Texas town also has a Dairy Queen, which is where many of the local folk go to Friday nights after the football games. I don’t really eat at Dairy Queen or the local bakeries anymore, but for Fred and Ruckus, this is their little slice of heaven in their otherwise mundane world.
Before Ruckus went nuts, he was a farmer. He and his wife lived in a small ranch house on his father’s farm–a farm which he was set to inherit before he checked into Shady Grove Home for the Mentally Insane.
He and his wife loved to go fishing at the lake. First, they stop off at bait, beer and snacks at the local drive through liquor and bait shop.
Wildflowers in my backyard.
Driving Me Nuts! takes place during the spring drought of 2011, so the Texas landscape isn’t quite as pretty as it is this spring. Last year The Hill Country had record low water levels. Crops and cattle suffered. Ruckus, Fred and Apple find themselves in the middle of this drought while they are being pursued by a crooked cop and three ex-cons.
Bluebonnet in my backyard.
This spring, Texas has finally seen some good thunderstorms. The Bluebonnets are blooming and the water level at Canyon Lake is almost back to normal. The only downside is that the oaks are blooming. My sinuses aren’t too happy about that.
When they are driving through The Hill Country, Ruckus is melancholy about the drought as he recalls a time when Texas land
scape is more verdant. I’m sure Ruckus would agree with me that this spring The Hill Country landscape is absolutely beautiful once again.This weekend, my family went swimming and fishing at Canyon Lake. We just missed the White Bass run, but we didn’t come home empty-handed. We’ve got some awesome pictures and great memories of our state.
Why I write parody…
2
I was writing YA for a small publishing house about five years ago. That was in the before, meaning before I was struck by illness. Actually, I probably had my illness back then but I hadn’t reached my critical low yet.
When I hit my low was also about the time I started writing Romance Novel—a parody of Twilight, Brokeback Mountain, Australia, and every other romance out there, especially those Texas-millionaire-unwed-mother Harlequin books. I’ve always felt that laughter was the best defense against adversity, and during this critical time in my life, believe me, I needed the laughs.
Those were some scary times, especially since doctors had no idea what was wrong with me. They kept telling me my sickness was due to depression and anxiety, and they doped me up on some pretty heavy anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds. My closet was a walk-in pharmacy of prescription pain killers, antacids and anti-crazy pills. And still, l I wasn’t getting any better. I don’t want to go into too much about my illness here, but let’s just say I was so incredibly sick that at one point, I wrote a long goodbye letter to my family, plus enough Birthday letters to my toddler to last until her twenty-first birthday.
After consulting with Dr. Google, I told my doctors what I thought was wrong with me, and blood tests confirmed I was right. Now I’m off all meds and on a strict holistic routine in my battle against Hashimoto’s Disease.
While on the path to regain my health, I finished writing my parody. When I’d first written Romance Novel, I’d done so for my own amusement, with no intention of ever submitting it to publishers, which is why I didn’t tone down the vulgar and crude jokes. Not at all.
After enough prodding from friends, I submitted my parody to publishing houses. No surprise, nobody wanted it, so I gave up and put all of my focus on my health. And then last spring a crit partner had told me about Kindle publishing. She urged me to put RN on Kindle and other ebook vendors. I did, and immediately loved the control I had over my content, cover and marketing. I had so much fun with it, in fact, that I wrote several more parodies and a dark comedy.
Then I pulled my YAs from my publishing house and put them up on Kindle, Nook and other venues as an indie author. Considering the YA market right now, it’s no surprise that my YA penname is outselling PJ Jones, which means I need to spend the next several months writing more YA novels. BTW, don’t ask my YA name. I want to keep the two separate. We don’t need middle school girls reading Melvin the Dry Cleaning Zombie— we really, really don’t.
With the release of Attack of the Fairytale Zombies! in March plus driving Me Nuts! this fall, I’ve now got to shift focus to YA, but, rest assured, I will still be at Curiosity Quills twice monthly with a FREE short paranormal parody. Once I finish up a few YAs, I have another PJ Jones project I’m anxious to tackle along the lines of Driving Me Nuts! plus I hope to write Romance Novel Two as well. In the words of Ruckus from Driving Me Nuts! “Life shit on (me). Life shits on lots of people.” Which is exactly why we need laughter to help us sift through the crap.
* * *
In other news, today is the last day to get Attack of the Fairytale Zombies! for free, plus check out this AWESOME review of Driving Me Nuts! by Free Book Reviews.
Attack of the Fairytale Zombies has arrived!
4It’s here, it’s here, in all of it’s mundane and idiotic glory! Get your copy on Kindle now! Be watching for the print release in a few weeks. I’d like to thank M. Edward McNally, Alan Nayes and Heather Marie Adkins for your help on making my turd shine. If you’re in the mood for some zombies, knights, wizards, HORNY brain-eating DWARVES, PMSing witches, cross-dressing dragons and more squee your pants humor… check out ATTACK OF THE FAIRYTALE ZOMBIES!
And now, without any further babbling, here’s one of my favorite scenes from Attack of the Fairytale Zombies!
“What do we do?” Heather cried.
Barth, being the knight and supposedly the hero, decided it was time for him to assume the role of the lead male in the novel and take control of the situation by issuing an authoritative command. “Find a way to close down the lake. Don’t let anyone use this water.”
They all turned their heads at the distinct sound of cheerful whistling. They watched with slack jaws as several pint-sized dwarves marched past them and into the water. A pale-skinned woman, scantily clad in a red-and-blue bikini top and a yellow, g-string bottom, squeaked like a mouse on crack as she raced ahead of them before diving head-first into the lake.
She popped her head out of the water. “The first one to catch me gets to tickle my g-spot,” she giggled while ripping off her padded bikini top and throwing it onto the shore.
“Hi, ho, hi, ho, it’s off to gang-bang we go,” the dwarves sang as they dove after the woman.
“No, wait!” Barth finally called after them.
That’s when he noticed the other fairytale creatures in the water had started to moan.
“Oh, gawd, their balls must be shrinking,” Drag croaked.
Heather’s hands flew to her mouth. “What do we do?”
“I say we just fly away and pretend this never happened.” Drag’s normally deep voice was laced with high-pitched urgency. “I don’t want to be here when testicles start dropping off.”
Just then, two ominous glowing eyes appeared from within the forest shadows as a huge, menacing beast slowly came into full view. The beast sulked toward the water’s edge.
“Big Bad Wolf!” Heather cried. “Don’t drink the water!”
The wolf stopped his advance and let out a low whine as a lit joint fell out of his mouth. “Dude, I’ve got cottonmouth. I need some water.”
“Douchebagga put love potion in the lake,” Barth warned. “We have to alert everyone that the water isn’t safe.”
“So not cool. I’m on it,” the wolf said as he spun on his heels and dashed back into the forest.
Barth, Drag and Heather turned their attention back toward the dwarves as they dragged the shrieking pale-skinned woman out of the water by her hair.
“Stop!” Barth commanded as he stepped in front of the dwarves in an attempt to block their path.
“Brains,” one of the little red-faced men moaned as he released his hold on the woman and lunged toward Barth.
Barth jumped back and raced toward Drag and Heather. “What the fuck?”
“Brains,” the dwarf moaned again as he walked toward them with outstretched arms. His tiny pair of glasses was sitting askew on his bulbous nose, revealing two vacant, glowing eyes.
Drag, Barth and Heather all scooted back several paces, their weary gazes darting from the advancing dwarf to his group of friends, which were now banging the screaming woman’s head against the rocky shore.
Heather gasped. “What are they doing to her?”
“Are they trying to rape her?” Barth wondered aloud.
Drag shook his head before reaching out a massive paw and crushing the advancing dwarf. “It looks like they’re ripping her hair off.” He ground the dwarf into the rocky soil with the pad of his big toe while his focus was on the motley gang.
“O-mi-god!” They all screeched as the dwarves smashed a gaping hole in the woman’s head and then started gnawing on the liquid that oozed through the gash.
Barth hesitantly spoke up. “I suppose we should do something.”
Although Barth wasn’t quite sure what exactly he should do. He’d only come to the lake expecting to find a bunch of fairytale creatures with shrunken balls. He certainly wasn’t prepared for this. He thought about his initial plan of fleeing Fairytale Kingdom, and realized it was sounding like a much better idea. If he didn’t have it in him to be able slay dragons, how in hell was he supposed to battle flesh-eating zombies?
Thank you for this useful post
4My life is being overrun by spam.
I have gained much useful knowlege from this post.
Just ignore that previous line. Like I said, my life is being overrun by spam. It’s infiltrated every aspect of my life, even my writing.
My couisn told me about your website very impresvie layout keep up the good wrok.
Anway, ignore that, too.
Your useful infromation greased my shaft of knowledge.
It’s almost as if I can’t get through my day without several forms of interference. Whether it be barking dogs, FaceBook, Twitter, deleting blog spam, it’s hard to write a book in peace.
And just why did Lindsay Lohan get collagen in her lips? She’s like 20. Is that the age we start getting plastic surgery? I’m almost 40 and I have yet to get that tummy tuck and boob lift. If Lindsay wanted big lips, she could have waited for the leftovers from my liposuction. Do you get a discount if you donate your excess ass baggage to celebrities?
Anyway, I digress. Which is the point. It used to be that we wrote a book, sent it off to our agent or publisher, then we answered some fain mail and got to work writing the next book. Social media and other forms of life spam take up so much of my day, I’d say very little of it is actually dedicated to writing.
That’s just sad.
Bigger penis last longer for woman pleasure, get cheap enzyyyte and viagrrrra now.
* * *
I
n other news, time is running out to enter in The Eclective’s Celtic t-shirt giveaway. So CLICK HERE to enter.
You know you want to win it.
And one final note. The Eclective’s Celtic Collection is out! Get your copy now for just .99 or wait until this Friday when it’s free! I’m not bragging, well maybe I am, but those six Celtic-themed stories are awesome. And I’ve included a zombie leprechaun parody.
And so concludes the end of my rambling blog post. Stay tuned next time for some more about my newest release (out this week) Attack of the Fairytale Zombies!
Hot Asian singles want to meet you.
Zombies Eat Leprechauns and five other AWESOME Celtic stories.
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It’s here! The Eclective’s brand new, The Celtic Collection is LIVE on Amazon for only .99! It’s also FREE on Smashwords.
Six stories from The Eclective, six accounts of Celtic things. There’s more than one way to go Green.
Irish Kiss by Shéa MacLeod: Morgan Bailey, vampire Hunter, thought finding a Leprechaun’s missing pot of gold would be easy. She couldn’t have been more wrong.
The Luck of the Irish Brigade by M. Edward McNally: The Irish are fighting themselves, only because there are no other worthy opponents.
Song of the Banshee by Heather Marie Adkins: Belinda has a job to do, but a dying man’s grandson may be a big problem. It’s a hard world for a lonely banshee.
The Red Veil of Vengeance by Jack Wallen: Vlad Kurvail is back and, as usual, he’s pissed. This time his cold vengeance is served up to the Irish. Will their luck hold out?
Zombies Eat Leprechauns by P.J. Jones: When a zombie curse infects the Fairytale Kingdom, Lucky the Leprechaun needs the help of an idiot dragon slayer and a cross-dressing dragon to escape. Can he make it out with his pot of gold, or will Lucky’s luck run out?
Five Shamrocks by Alan Nayes: After her husband dies on St. Patrick’s Day, life goes on for Mattie O’Malley.
Cover art by Jack Wallen at Adorkable Designs.
And don’t forget The Eclective (my group of super awesome writer pals) is giving away a cool Celtic t-shirt. Please stop by for your chance to win, so you can look like one of the cool kids, too.
Enter to win this cool shirt!
Attack of the Fairytale Zombies has a cover!
0For those of you who enjoy the crass humor of Melvin the Dry Cleaning Zombe and The Vampire Handbook, I hope you are enjoying me FREE parodies every Friday night over at Curiosity Quills. Check out Sasquatch Goes Vegan or if you are annoyed by spoiled, talentless, brainless reality celebs as much as I am, you’ll get a kick out of my latest Extreme Fairytale Faceoff, where Cupid lays the smackdown on Kim Khardashian. The folks at CQ have done a stellar job posting my crude and tasteless stories every week and they’ve included hilarious photos for each story. Won’t you stop by and share in the love and laughs?
In the meantime, I’ve been hard at work on my next parody, Attack of the Fairytale Zombies, which I estimate to be a novella at about 30,000 words. The good news, I’m nearing the final chapter! The even better news, I’ve got a cover! I’d like to extend a special thanks to my artist, Tamra Westberry, for creating it.
Finally, I’d like to extend a special THANKS to Cynthia over at Book Hollow for the awesome review of Driving Me Nuts! This really is a different kind of a book, unlike my tasteless parodies. I’m so glad to see readers are getting it and enjoying the deeper parts of the story as much as the humor. Although I LOVE writing parodies, sometimes I also enjoy the freedom of being able to write whatever the hell I want. Although Driving Me Nuts! is one of those books whose genre is hard to define, I feel it definitely falls into the ‘whatever-the-hell-I-want’ category.
Powerpoint Zombies????
2Folks, today I have a special treat from fellow parody writer, Mike Cooley. For those of you who’ve ever worked in any type of mind-numbing office environment or were forced to sit through work-related motivational speakers, I’m sure you can appreciate his style of humor. Some of the antics in this story make me want to gag (in a good way, I think) as I’m overcome with vivid flashbacks of my days working at a ‘real’ job - time wasted listening to stupid motivational speakers when I had a pile of work on my desk. I only thank my lucky stars those days are far behind me (for now). Please keep buying my books, loyal readers, so I don’t turn into a 9-5 zombie again. PJ
“Company cafeteria?” Dan asked as Jacki emerged from the elevator bank and joined him.
Jacki surveyed the throng of lunch-goers.”Too close. Too many creepy guys around here.”
Dan grinned. “Keep it down or they’ll send you back to diversity training.”
“Where they tell me for an hour how important my individuality is, then demand I dress like everyone else?” asked Jacki sarcastically. She was dressed in a pink sweater and black dress slacks, with tastefully short heels. Her nails were dark red like her lips.
Dan took her arm and pulled her along through the double glass doors leading out of the building. “Let’s go to Armageddon.”
“Sure.” Jackie brushed her long dark hair out of her face and tried to look casual as co-workers streamed by them on either side. “That might be far enough away.”
“Attitude. Attitude,” said Dan as they headed toward their favorite pizza place. His sandy brown hair was a bit tousled like he had been caught in a corporate wind tunnel.
Armageddon Pizza was a nice cozy little place with great crust and dim lighting. And every pizza came with mushrooms―no exceptions. Jacki pulled Dan to a back corner table.
“So, what’s the news?” Dan searched Jacki’s blue eyes. He kept his gaze up through an effort of will. It was no secret he found Jacki ridiculously attractive.
“I figured out how it’s spreading,” said Jacki in a low voice as she looked around the room for familiar faces.
“How?”
“Powerpoint.”
“Powerpoint?”
“Can you remember the last time we actually accomplished anything at work?” asked Jacki.
“I just sit in meetings discussing when we will have other meetings,” said Dan. “I’m kind of getting used to it.”
“Ever noticed that the company logo is a lingam?” asked Jacki.
“How can you not? It’s bright gold.”
“Kind of appropriate I guess,” said Jackie as the waitressbrought their pepperoni, sausage, and mushroom pizza. She set it down and smiled at Dan, leaning down a bit further than necessary to place it on the table.
“She likes you,” said Jacki as the waitress retreated to the cash register and started ringing up more customers.
“Can’t figure out why…”
“Well you’re not a complete asshole.”
“Gee thanks. That’s the nicest thing anyone’s said to me all day!”
“Now back to the matter at hand,” Jacki picked up a slice and took a bite. “The Powerpoint zombies.”
“What are we gonna do about it?” Dan pushed his glasses back up his nose. He was wearing the same thing he wore every day: a button-down shirt, slacks, and tennis shoes—technically a dress code violation but everyone at Arrow was afraid to bring it up.
“First we need to outlaw planes,” said Jacki. “Every time one of these bozos reads a book on a plane it becomes a flippin’ Corporate Initiative.”
“Um…”
“That was a joke, silly,” said Jacki as she took a sip of her diet coke through her straw. Dan did his best not to watch her lips.
“Second, stay out of meetings with Powerpoints. The last thing I need is for you to get infected.”
“Well it’s not going to be easy to avoid Powerpoints,” said Dan. “They’re everywhere.”
“I’m working on a cure,” said Jacki. “Or at least a temporary fix. Just bail out of any meeting where someone fires up a projector until I finish it.”
They finished lunch while bitching about annoying co-workers and then headed back to the skyscraper full of cubes. Jacki waved at Dan as she disappeared into her elevator bank. Dan walked to the next bank over and rode up to the 13th floor.
As he passed an open room he could hear the chanting: “Brand. Brand. Brand. Brand.” He peeked in and saw the powerpoint slide on the wall, with its golden lingam background.
“Oh God,” he muttered as he hurried past, covering his eyes. All of the eyes in the room were locked on the slide in rapt attention. He headed for his cube through a maze of other cubes, all alike, and sat down behind his desk, looking at the number of unread emails with a combination of fear and dread. Then he deleted all the ones with Powerpoint attachments.
* * *
Jacki tweaked the frequency modulator on the side of the sunglasses as she examined the frequency spectrum data on her data analyzer. Her cube was uncharacteristically full of electronic equipment, wires, solder, and tiny screwdrivers. Down the hallway she could hear the muttering “Process. Process. Process…” She worked faster.
“Dan?” Jacki asked as the call went through.
“Yes?”
“I think I did it.”
“Did what?”
“Protection from the infection.” She held up the glasses and switched them on.
“Have you tested it?”
“Well… kind of. It’s not without danger.”
“Danger is my middle name,” said Dan. “What’s the plan?”
“Well I want you to test them out at the big meeting this afternoon.”
“I’m game,” said Dan. “You’re far too pretty to be a zombie, and I’ve got nothing to lose. Is that the meeting where they are going to tell us how bad they are jacking us on Health Care?”
“Yeah… with lots of Powerpoints to justify everything.”
“If you survive that, we’re gold.”
“Like a lingam?”
“I’ve got yer lingam right here!” said Jacki as she grabbed herself and started laughing.
“Hey! That’s my line.”
“Come to my desk, boyfriend. I’ve got something for you.”
“Promises, promises…”
* * *
Dan felt a little self-conscious sitting in the middle of the room filled with hundreds of employees wearing dark shades—like a vampire in the daylight sans glitter. He felt a jolt when the first Powerpoint slide went up. His vision blurred and then cleared as the glasses adjusted to the frequencies emanating from it. He could hear a faint hum coming from them.
“…Inclusive Culture…Value…Image…Loyalty…”
Buzzwords and placations swirled around him as charts and diagrams appeared on the slides. All of the slides were “branded” with the ubiquitous symbol of Arrow Logistics―the golden lingam. All around him employees were slack-jawed and drooling as they soaked in the corporate speak. He could hear the low murmurs of “Brand, Brand, Brand,” getting louder. His temples werethrobbing as the glasses tried to block the zombification signals being projected on the crowd.
“How are you doing?” Jacki’s voice spoke in his ear.
“This is freaky,” said Dan into the microphone on his phone. “But I think I’m alright. People are drooling and chanting. I should have brought an axe.”
“You probably shouldn’t go on a killing spree,” said Jacki. “It might be reversible.”
“Awww,” said Dan, unable to keep the disappointment out of his voice. “Now they are showing slides about how the reorganization efforts have been more successful than the miracles of Christ.”
“Seriously? Next they will claim doing less each year is making us more agile!”
“Yeah, that’s the next slide. I feel like I’m in a reverse psychology study group and I’m the lab rat. Now they are claiming that the Corporate Transubstantiation they did last time made us
more efficient. I think they are just showing the graph upside down. It looks like their new plan will consist of six managers for every worker.”
“JHC!” yelled Jacki in his ear. “Stick with it, we need to be sure the glasses work.”
* * *
After what seemed like hours of slide after slide full of misrepresentations, lies, and damned lies, the meeting finally ended and the drooling, muttering workers shambled out of the double-doors into the hallway.
Dan followed them, switching off the glasses and putting them in his shirt pocket. As he emerged from the room in the midst of the crowd he could hear a loud buzzing and grinding noise. Lopped-off heads arced through the air and then landed on the floor, spewing blood and rolling, their glassy eyes wide.
“Hey!” he yelled as he spotted Jacki wielding a chainsaw mowing down powerpoint zombies right and left. “I thought you said DON’T go on a rampage?” 
“Well it’s not like they’re alive anymore.” Jacki wiped blood off her chin and let the chainsaw drop to one side near her hip as it idled with a low growl.
“What if someone calls the police?”
“What are they gonna say? Brand! Brand! Brand?” Jackie raised the blade and chopped a herd of managers down. They were holding signs saying More Process! and Process Is Progress!
“You’re sexy when you’re killin’ zombies,” said Dan.
“That’s what all the boys say…” Jacki flashed a big smile and gunned the saw.
Thanks, Mike Cooley, for sharing that awesome zombie story on my blog. For Amazon’s complete selection of Mike Cooley books, please go HERE.
Come on Baby, Win my Fire and a NEW Melvin Zombie parody!
2The Eclective is giving away a Kindle Fire to one lucky winner! Who’s The Eclective, you ask? Only the coolest group of ten authors around, and I’m a proud member. We’ve got many ways to enter and increase your chances of winning. Click HERE for more details.
Also, on The Eclective’s website is a new column titled Books That Don’t Suck. Please check out my review of Mykle Hansen’s Help! A Bear is Eating Me!
Because I only review books that I feel don’t suck, I will not be accepting review requests. Why? Because if I don’t like your book, then I’ve got to summon the right words (and I really am not good at being politically correct) and tell you that your book doesn’t meet my high standards. And if you are an author friend of mine, that will make for some really awkward virtual water cooler moments when we meet up in the same FB author forums and you’re forced to be nice to me, even though you secretly despise me because I think your book sucks.
Some of you may be shocked to learn that I actually have standards, but I actually do have a few. First off, the book has to be relatively clean of errors and easy to read, good pacing, dialog that doesn’t bore me, no plot holes (things that have me scratching my head and going WTF) and realistic motivation for ALL of your characters. Basically, your book can’t suck. Also, it must be funny. Because I like to write funny it should come as no surprise that I like to read funny.
Finally, for those Melvin zombie fans, I’ve got a treat for you. Melvin the dry cleaning zombie is now selling vacuums. That’s right! Best of all, this short parody, Melvin the Vacuum Salesman Zombie, is free, but you have to visit my friends at Curiosity Quills to read it. Please check it out. I promise it’s good for a few laughs. PJ
No date Friday night? No problem!
0You can still have a blast on Fridays because even if you find yourself dateless and alone with nothing much to do but watch reruns of Family Guy or that same scratched and worn DVD of Totally Wet Brunettes, stop by Curiosity Quills for a few laughs. That’s right, every Friday night they publish one of my FREE short stories, and I can guarantee they will be squee your pants funny MOST of the time, except for last night. Sorry. I have no idea what crawled up my butt, but I was feeling a bit sensitive.
The family had just returned from a nine day Central American vacation and I was feeling a bit inspired after learning about these cool trees they have there called Walking Trees. Yes, according to our tour guide, these trees do walk about three feet a year. They follow the light by growing new roots. The old roots die off as the trees slowly move throughout the jungle. Cool, huh? I just had to write a story about them. Unfortunately, the story isn’t my usual crude and tasteless parody. This story actually is actually loaded with several ’F bombs’. That’s right…feelings. Don’t know what came over me.
Please click here to read The Walking Tree.
If trees with feelings isn’t your cup of tea, how about?
Ten Reasons Not To Hook Up With Whiny High School Chicks If
You Are a 100 Year Old Vampire
PMS Werewolf VS Starving Vampire
The Ladies’ Guide to Immortal Sex
and much more…
And for a limited time, please check out The Vampire
Handbook, which is FREE on Nook, Kindle and Smashwords.